In my formative years, I was exposed to an obscenely vast array of movie musicals. In fact, musicals were so prevalent that it wasn’t unusual for an actor to, for no apparent reason, burst into song. The first and probably the best example of this phenomenon is the John Travolta-Olivia Newton John classic, Grease. I was only seven when Grease came out, all of the sexual innuendos meaningless to me, but I loved it just the same. I bought the album (a double album!) and proceeded to learn every single word to every single song. Why? Because then I could reenact the entire film in my living room. Thankfully, the late 70s and early 80s were a magical time in movie history when almost every other film released was a musical. There were some good ones and some bad ones, but no matter what every musical had a soundtrack.

See, a long time ago, there was no such thing as cable TV. There was no HBO. If you were really lucky, your parents may have had a Betamax machine, but even then, they never had any movies that you would want to watch anyway (for instance, my dad had a Beta machine, but the only tapes he owned were Fellini’s 8 ½ , Carnal Knowledge and Last Tango in Paris…not exactly child-friendly flicks). If you wanted to see a film, you had to go to a movie theater. It was a difficult time for kids who liked the movies. Invariably, going to see a movie involved (a.) finding someone else who wanted to see the movie you did, (b.) getting that person, or another adult, to drive you to the theater, and (c.) having at least the two dollars it would cost to get into the movie. Popcorn and candy were but a pipe dream.

So, I’ve decided to compile a list of my top ten favorite reality warping movie musicals to give you, dear reader, a  glimpse into the twisted world I was raised in. For a film to be considered, singing and/or dancing must be performed in a location that would otherwise be unsuitable for such activities. For instance, Flashdance cannot be included in this list because all dancing takes place in reasonable locations; a club, the streets, Alex’s dance studio/home. However, Footloose is on the list because, although much of the dancing takes place at the appropriate time and location, one of the best dance segments ever made is the solo performed by Kevin Bacon in the abandoned factory. He executes a flawless, off-the-top-of-his-head dance routine to music supposedly originating from the speakers in his car. Therefore, Footloose qualifies as a movie musical that distorted my entire sense of reality, because things like that just don’t happen in real life. Man, was that a bummer.

Grease is the word.

1. Grease (1978). This is really a no-brainer. No list of musicals could possibly be complete without mentioning Grease. High school kids, portrayed by 30-year-olds, sing and dance about, well, high school. And sex. In the 1950s.

Emotional Scar Factor: Extremely high. Aside from encouraging drinking, smoking, and premarital sex, this film also condones auto theft, disrespecting your elders, and swearing like a sailor. The most poignant message of all was Olivia Newton John’s successful transformation from a nice girl to a dirty whore. Yeah, there’s a lesson you want all your little girls to learn.

Best Lyric: “You know that ain’t no shit, we’ll be getting’ lots of tit in Greased Lightin’.” Read the rest of this entry »