I’d like to start by saying, I think you’re a wonderful actor. I’ve been a big fan since you were known as Leaf, and there is no film I wouldn’t go to see you in. I even sat through the entire screening of “The Village” for you (there’s 108 minutes of my life I will never get back). As an actor, you have earned my respect.
But, dude, seriously? You’re seriously going to just stop making movies? Why? Oh, I see, it’s because you want to make music. Perhaps you are unaware that you can do the two simultaneously? There are plenty of successful musicians who are also successful actors. Some have even gone on to win Academy Awards and Grammys. Ever heard of Frank Sinatra? Barbra Streisand? David Bowie? Cher? Too old to be used as a significant reference for you? How about Will Smith? Mark Wahlberg? Jennifer Hudson?
Indeed, there are many singers who go on to become excellent actors, and vice versa. However, there are a plethora of perfectly good actors, nay even great actors, who have put their career on hold because they felt the overwhelming urge to rock. And you know what? They SUCKED. They should have continued to act and never, ever entertained the thought that they would make better musicians than they were actors. Need I remind you about Scarlett Johansson recent cover of Tom Waits hits? Or Eddie Murphy? Or Bruce Willis? Or Lindsay Lohan? All perfectly good actors, making perfectly good movies (and pretty nice paychecks, too) who decided to turn their back on what they did best and recorded an album.
For most, it was a big mistake. Take Eddie Murphy for example. He was the funniest man on the planet until he told us his girl “likes to party all the time, party all the time, party all the time.” We all wanted to laugh, but Eddie was serious. No one likes a serious comedian, dude. And what about Don Johnson? In the 1980s, he had a hit show and he couldn’t be any cooler. Everybody wanted to live the Miami Vice lifestyle and completely shun socks. That was until Don released a little song called “Heartbeat.” Yeah, sure it was a hit, but not necessarily because it was good. With lyrics like, “Heartbeat – I’m looking for a heartbeat,” well, it was only a matter of time before he was mocked into oblivion. Not even Sonny Crockett would ‘fess up to listening to such drivel.
I get it, man. You played Johnny Cash. The Man in Black. Portraying such an icon, even going so far as to really sing his songs…that takes some major cajones. And props to you, because you did the man proud. But that doesn’t mean you can really sing. I know, HARSH. And I bet it stung like a bitch when Reese walked away with an Oscar and you went home empty-handed. Without you, there was no “Walk the Line,” and what do you get? A pat on the back. A handshake. “Good job bringing Johnny back to life, but we think that Capote guy was better.” I know you’re bitter. I feel your pain.
But, let me ask you this: Do you think if Philip Seymour Hoffman didn’t receive the Academy Award on that fateful February evening back in 2006, that he would have quit acting and started a band? What about the other nominees that evening who also lost? Do you think Dame Judi Dench would’ve chucked it all just to sing the blues in a smoky underground London club? Can you picture David Strathairn dropping out of the acting world to record a country album? What about William Hurt? Keira Knightley? Jake Gyllenhaal? Charlize Theron? I think not.
I beg you to reconsider what could potentially be the worst mistake of your career. Oh, and the next time you decide to send a message to the media by writing on your knuckles, ask for help. It’s one thing to make a statement for all the world to see, but when it reads: “BYE! GOOD” it just makes you look stupid.
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Dude, perhaps the tone of my first letter was too jovial, too light-hearted. Maybe you thought I was just kidding around with you when I BEGGED you not to quit acting to pursue a career in music, specifically Rap. I’m going to try a different approach, because this time, I am seriously worried about your mental and physical health.
In an attempt to keep this short, because I have a feeling that your attention span may have been negatively affected as well, you need to stop whatever drugs you are doing and get some help. Take that ridiculous sparkly hairclip out of your rat’s nest of a hair-don’t that makes Amy Winehouse’s crack-hive look like a sleek styling from Vidal Sassoon, and BATHE. Get a haircut. Stop smoking those cigarettes like they are going out of style. Put down the bong or pipe or needle and try to sober up, because you are about a jar full of toenail clippings away from turning into Howard Hughes.
