As some of you may already know, one of my favorite movie musicals of all time is Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Jesus Christ Superstar. Being that my family didn’t actively participate in any form of organized religion, most of my knowledge about Jesus and the Crucifixion was gleaned from the JCS album[1] and the 1973 film. For the majority of my life, the unconventional manner in which I learned about the Lord has served me well. I know just enough to get by without looking like an absolute heathen.
Then, in 2004, Mel Gibson released The Passion of the Christ, which, let’s be honest, was no Jesus Christ Superstar. First of all, there wasn’t any singing. Nor was there any dancing. And throughout the entire film the actors spoke in Aramaic, a dead language that nobody has used, well, since the time of Christ. When questioned about making such a bold choice, Mel said he felt it gave the film authenticity. Sure, fine, but they could’ve been speaking in Pig Latin for all anyone knew because NOBODY SPEAKS ARAMAIC and they haven’t for over 2,000 YEARS. But, I digress.
No sexual tension?
As if ALL OF THAT wasn’t enough to put me off this Passion flick, the violence and bloodshed were so frighteningly realistic that certain scenes in the film were almost unwatchable. In contrast[2], the “39 Lashes” scene in JCS exudes an undeniable sexual undercurrent as Pilate counts each lash. So much so, that by the time he reaches the magic number, Pilate is covered in sweat and visibly shaking. Perhaps I’m WAY off the mark here, but that scene seems to intimate a rather homoerotic tone. Whereas Passion took a completely different approach to the same scenario by replacing all that sexual tension with buckets of blood. And not just blood, but bits of Jesus’ skin and sinew, as well. I think it’s safe to say that Mel Gibson single-handedly redefined the term “bloodbath.” It was glaringly apparent that the chances of this movie knocking JCS out of the top slot as my favorite film about Christ[3] were slim to none.
I ask you, do these guys look like Jews?
So, there I was, in a packed theater, watching a film that makes A Clockwork Orange look like The Sound of Music. As Caiaphas and the other High Priests are discussing “a more permanent solution to our problem,” I suddenly realize something so shocking, so utterly unbelievable, that I cannot possibly contain myself as I exclaim, “Those dudes are JEWS?!?” At which point everyone seated within earshot turned to look directly at me as they all gave a collective, “SHUSH!”[4] And much like Jerry Seinfeld must’ve felt after making out with his girlfriend for the entire 3 ½ hours of Schindler’s List, I was completely mortified. But more than being embarrassed,[5] I wondered how could I have possibly missed the fact that they were Jews?
After the movie, I rushed home and popped in the JCS DVD.[6] I needed answers, but more importantly I needed proof that I wasn’t just deluding myself all this time. As I watched the film, I made note of any and all references to religion.
Exhibit A: In “Poor Jerusalem,” Jesus complains about everybody (he’s very moody).
Neither you, Simon, nor the fifty thousand,
Nor the Romans, nor the Jews,
Nor Judas, nor the twelve
Nor the priests, nor the scribes,
Nor doomed Jerusalem itself
Understand what power is,
Understand what glory is,
Understand at all,
Understand at all.
Clearly, the lyrics refer to the Jews and the priests as two separate and unrelated entities. He didn’t say “nor the Jewish priests” or “nor the rabbis.” I mean, it’s really no wonder I believed them to be different groups entirely.
Exhibit B: In the aptly-named, or so I thought, “The Temple,” Jesus throws a hissy fit (I told you he was moody).
My temple should be a house of prayer,
But you have made it a den of thieves.
Get out! Get out!
Now, THAT, my friends, was a temple. A temple in ruins, but a temple nonetheless. Not some silly scaffolding in the middle of the freakin’ desert.
Exhibit C: “The Arrest” lyrics plainly state:
Come with us to see Caiaphas
You’ll just love the High Priest’s house
Not the “Rabbi’s Digs.” Not the “Temple of the Jews.” Not the “Synagogue.” The High Priest’s House. Now I ask you, when somebody says “priest’s house,” what’s the first image that pops into your head? I’d be willing to bet dollars to donuts it’s not a Jewish temple.
Scaffolding or temple?
Looking back on what could be considered one of the biggest misconceptions of my entire existence, I don’t feel like a total idiot because, as you can see, JCS never referred to Caiaphas, Annas or any of the other men in the big funny black hats as anything other than “priests.” A priest, in my book, is a Catholic. If he were Jewish, he would be called a rabbi. I mean, really. Where were their yarmulkes? The prayer shawls? The Torah? And the scaffolding, which I now understand is meant to symbolize the High Priests’ temple, wasn’t exactly helpful in clueing me in as to their religious belief system.[7] Who I thought Caiaphas and his funky bunch were, I don’t know. I just knew they were in cahoots with the Romans, and they didn’t particularly care for Jesus.
Well, what can I say? You live, and you learn.
[1] Did you know that on the original recording of JCS, Judas was played by Murray Head, he of the “One Night in Bangkok” hit single? AND that his brother is Anthony Stewart Head, better known as “Giles” in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series?
[2] WHOA! Big Momma/Little Momma flashback!
[3] Second Place goes to Monty Python’s The Life of Brian
[4] Honestly, the audience couldn’t have been more synchronized had they rehearsed it.
[5] That’s something I’ve become quite used to.
[6] What? It’s my FAVORITE musical of all time. Of course I have a copy at the ready.
[7] I mean, would it have killed them to sneak the Star of David in somewhere?
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