Kimopolis

My kind of town.

Posts Tagged ‘Facebook’

Might As Well Face It, I’m Addicted To FarmVille

Posted by kimlno on December 6, 2009

My Virtual Farm

Hi. My name is Kimberly and I’m an addict.

I’m not addicted to drugs or alcohol, nor am I addicted to gambling or even shopping. I’m addicted to FarmVille. Yes, FarmVille, that ridiculously time-consuming Facebook application that’s taken over my life. At first it was just a couple of crops here and there, and then someone gifted me a Cherry tree. It really didn’t start to spiral out of control until I started in with the livestock. The next thing I knew, I had enough chickens to fill an entire coop and a half (why can’t you have more than one chicken coop, FarmVille? WHY?!?), a dairy farm full of cows, not to mention the goats, sheep, ducks, pigs, horses, and the giant turkey I purchased at Thanksgiving. I’ve already expanded my farm twice, and I couldn’t even count how many different types of crops I can grow at once. I have so many trees, I can’t even see some of them anymore. The only way I know it’s time to harvest them is if my cursor turns into that little blue sickle telling me it’s harvest time.

What’s worse is now that Christmas is right around the corner, the FarmVille Market has a plethora of holiday themed items. I’ve already accumulated 8 reindeer and a special stray one I found wandering on someone else’s farm who I call “Rudolph”. I’m just waiting to save up enough Farm Cash to buy a sleigh, because spending real money is where I draw the line. Everything on my farm has been earned through hard labor, bringing in the sheaves, as it were. Sure the evil FarmVille geniuses try and tempt me with special offers, discounted Farm Cash and Coin bundles, but the moment I whip out my credit card…well, that’s when I’m definitely going to seek professional help. I’ve got to tell you, though, when I first saw the giant snow globe with the little barn inside, I almost caved.

And it’s not just the bounty of farm related items that can be purchased to make your farm more, well, farmier. It’s the secret gifts and the lost rare animals (like the pink cow I adopted the other day who, of course, yields strawberry milk) that drive me to check Facebook several times a day (okay, an hour) to see what my fellow farming friends have discovered or accomplished. I want that Mystery Egg. I want to share your Special Bonus for receiving the Yellow Ribbon in the Crop Whisperer category or a White Ribbon for being the King of Compost. Yes, I will visit your farm and pull weeds or shoo the crows before I fertilize your crops because I want the Experience Points, and yes, I want those Farm Coins and Cash. Because I don’t know exactly how I am going to earn 28 Farm Dollars in the next 27 days, but that snow globe will be mine. Oh, yes. It WILL be mine.

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Money Makes the World Go Around

Posted by kimlno on September 26, 2009

A mark, a yen, a buck, or a pound, it makes the world go 'round.

A mark, a yen, a buck, or a pound, it makes the world go 'round.

As much as some people may claim to abhor social networks and deem them the end of civilization and precursor to the apocalypse, sometimes they can be a useful forum in which to discuss relevant topics such as politics, environmental issues, and (not surprisingly) social affairs. True, the majority the time I spend on Facebook is dedicated to the discussion of the subtle nuances of the season finale of True Blood, or leveling up in Mafia Wars. However, on occasion, important issues are debated.

Such an instance took place shortly after I changed my status to read: “Kimberly Nordlinger is pretty sure money can buy you happiness. If you’re rich and sad, you’re doing it wrong.” I hardly thought my only semi-serious opinion would cause such a lively discussion amongst my friends, but then, you never really know what’s going to spark off the next great Facebook debate. These heated tete-a-tetes usually involve two of my more opinionated acquaintances who rarely, if ever, agree with one another.  However, being that they are both highly intelligent and insightful, their individual arguments, either pro or con, are always well thought out and quite indefensible.

One of them agreed with my status statement, and the other did not. Since I am always right, the one that shared my view, that more money would lead to more happiness, isn’t the one I took issue with, of course. The friend that immediately quoted real facts and figures regarding the correlation of wealth and happiness (a completely unfair tactic, if you ask me) is the one I felt the need to explain myself to. He claimed that studies have shown that people with less money are, in fact, happier than those with excess. Poppycock, I say. He continued to point out that money simply afforded the wealthy more freedom. Well, duh. He even went so far as to create an equation to clarify his point of view:

Freedom = Time = Whatever You Choose To Do = The Ability To Find Happiness

My other friend (and I) begged to disagree with his over simplistic explanation of the correlation between money and happiness. She went on to give specific examples of the things she would be able to do if she had unlimited funds, and how they would, without a doubt, increase her happiness quotient. Because I respect her privacy, I won’t share her wish list, however I will instead substitute mine. If I had access to large sums of money, I would make immediate changes to my current status. Most importantly, I would either attempt to have, or adopt, a child. Of course, I’d like to buy my own home, a new car, and give everyone of my friends and family whatever their hearts desired…but mostly, I’d just like to be a mom. Without the proper financial resources, it would be socially irresponsible of me, and possibly detrimental to the development of a healthy, happy child, to do so.

Of course my opponent was quick to point out that many people have children who can’t afford to. In addition, having a child isn’t a guarantee of future happiness, and, although they may be loathe to admit it, being a parent is a choice some even regret. Indeed we all agreed on this point in particular. Still, given the opportunity, I’d like the chance to find out for myself.

I am not so naive to think that money can solve any problem. I’d even be willing to admit that, for some, money can lead to a world of misery and sorrow. However, no amount of money could possibly buy me more time. I have all the time in the world. And, believe me, I am NOT complaining. I love that I have the freedom to do whatever I want. It’s my personal financial constraints that keep me inexorably tied to the reality of my situation. So, and I am only speaking for myself, the money-happiness equation looks more like this:

My Life + More Money = More Opportunities for Increased Happiness

Who knows? Perhaps if I had billions of dollars, I’d feel just the same way as I do about my life now. It’s possible that more money would just lead to more problems. Some would say that I don’t have a husband, or children, because that’s actually the way I want it to be (the inescapable influence of a self-fulfilling prophecy, perhaps?). Those same people would probably assert that even if I were filthy rich, my life would still have followed the exact same course. Maybe they’re right. All I’m saying is, I’d love to have the opportunity to experience being wealthy first-hand, and then draw my own conclusions.

Donations are now being accepted at http://kimopolis.com.

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Kimology

Posted by kimlno on June 25, 2009

facebook-logoEditor’s Note: This is a Facebook meme sent to me by my friend, Maggie. It was rather enlightening, so I decided to share it with all of you. I hope you enjoy it.

***********FOODOLOGY***************

1. What is your salad dressing of choice?
Blue cheese with extra blue cheese crumbles.

2. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Sit-down restaurant? What is this, 1940? Who wrote this quiz, Betty Crocker? Okay, enough of my smart mouth…um, that’s a hard question. I like a LOT of very different restaurants. The Yardhouse in Honolulu.

3. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Peanut butter and chocolate ice cream.

4. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
If I’m feeling carnivorous, pepperoni, hot Italian sausage and black olives.
If I’m feeling wistful, an all-time, can’t-go-wrong favorite, pepperoni.
But I will never turn down a slice of plain cheese pizza.

5.What do you like to put on your toast?
Butter (melted, or well-spread…no chunks *gag*) and strawberry (or raspberry) jam.

6. Any vegetables you don’t like?
A fajita is my nightmare, too, Maggie. See? I KNEW there was a reason I liked you so much. ;o)
Other veggie no-nos include broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, asparagus, any form of onion, any shade of bell pepper, and cabbage of any kind.
It might’ve been simpler to list just the veggies I DO like. ;o)

7. Do you eat seafood?
Yes, and I would eat it for every meal if I could. It’s just another reason on the long list of why I would make the perfect mermaid.

***********TECHNOLOGY***************

1. How many televisions are in your house?
Three: one in the den (for those not born in the 70s that’s the “family room”) which is the plasma with all the bells and whistles and 700 cable channels and, my best friend, the DVR; one is in the living room but rarely sees any use aside from Jeopardy! on week nights, and even then, usually only regular Jeopardy! and not Double Jeopardy!, almost never Final Jeopardy!; and one tiny TV in my mom’s room that she never uses.

2. What color cell phone do you have?
Hot pink, baby.

3. How long would it take you to look up who invented the Rubber Band?
Less than 5 seconds. My search engine is a BEAST. (William H. Spencer of Alliance, Ohio on March 7, 1923, FYI.)

4. Have any idea how many Megahertz your computer has?
2.17 GHz (2170 MHz). Surprisingly, that took longer to find than who invented the rubber band. Go figure.

***************BIOLOGY******************

1. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Righty.

2. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Oh yes, lots. Let’s see…my wisdom teeth, a disk (thank God I proofed this before posting, I had originally put “dick” instead of “disk” and that probably would’ve need some explaination…lol) in my cervical spine, my uterus and my cervix. I’m just like that guy in the game Operation, except my nose doesn’t light up.

3. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
My boobs, every day. Damn Kernohan women.

4. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Not that I can remember. LOL. Oh, I crack myself up! But, seriously, yes. By anesthesia, by terra firma and once by my own mother’s voice (thanks, mom).

************BULLCRAPOLOGY**************

1. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Nah. I’m a planner for sure, but I hear that on that day, other people take over. Sounds good to me!

2. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Kimberly Wimberly. True story: My mom’s best friend growing up, who lived just down the street from her, was Patsy Wimberly. However, my mom never noticed the one-letter difference in our names until I pointed it out not too long ago. She swears it had absolutely nothing to do with her naming me Kimberly. Quite the uncanny coincidence if you ask me.

3. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Not for a $1000. Plus, even if I was offered more money, I probably couldn’t do it. My gag reflex is one of the best working reflexes in my whole body. Funny, you’d think I’d be thinner. Hmm.

************DUMBOLOGY******************

1. How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
At least 10 pairs, but probably more. I am a beach bum at heart.

2. Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A long time ago. Either it was for a speeding ticket or the time I turned left out of the Malibu Colony shopping center only because a truck was blocking my view of the No Left Turn sign. Stupid cop didn’t believe me, and gave me a ticket anyway. Prick.

3. Last person you talked to?
Myself.

4. Last person you hugged?
My mom.

**************FAVORITOLOGY****************

1. Season?
I live in California. At the beach. We don’t have seasons. However, I prefer June Gloom to the Santa Anas, of that helps you.

2. Holiday?
Fourth of July. How could it BE any better? You got fireworks, and a parade, and hot dogs, and the Boston Pops playing Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture…no work, no school, and pretty much a license to be three sheets to the wind all day long. I freakin’ love this country.

3. Day of the week?
Sunday. Brunch. The Time’s crossword puzzle. All the good TV show finales. As long as you don’t drive anywhere, it’s by far the best day of the week.

4. Month?
November, but only because it’s my birthday and I love me some presents.

***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************

1. Missing someone?
Like you wouldn’t believe.

2. Mood?
Reflective, yet hopeful.

3. What are you listening to?
The *beep-beep-beep* of the bulldozer as it digs a new pool over at Pali. Irritating, yet totally worth it.

4. Watching?
Myself type these words.

***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************

1. First place you went this morning?
Bathroom. Does anyone go anywhere else first?

2. What’s the last movie you saw?
Fired Up, which was unbelievably funny. If you got a kick out of Bring It On, you’ll love this. Excellent, rapid-fire dialog keeps this one entertaining to the very end. Sure to be classic lines include (but are not limited to):

Nick Brady: Bottomless breadsticks only keep you at the Olive Garden for so long, until at some point you look up and say ‘Why the hell am I at the Olive Garden with all these fat people?’

Brewster: [after he punches Rick] That was for the Crocs. You’re not an old lady gardening or a baby on the beach. OK? Now put on some shoes, you’re embarrassing yourself.

Nick Brady: [trying to talk his way out of football camp] So not only do I find out yesterday I’m adopted, the people I’ve been calling ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ are actually infertile impostors who bought me outside of a meth clinic in Cincinatti for two boxes of Sudafed, but I also get this news dropped on me: my birth father, Bruce, he needs a kidney and I’m the only match! And apparently Bruce needs it stat. Mhm, you need it stat, Bruce? HUH? Well maybe I needed a father stat, instead of this stay-at-home-dad who showers me with love every day of my life this goddamn spermless liar! So now I gotta be at Kaiser Permanente tomorrow at 6:00 am. I know. Bruce couldn’t even afford a real hospital. Managed care. It’s ironic, huh? He never managed to care for me.

Nick Brady: Mopey, I’m talking to you. You’ve been sitting out here staring into space for like two hours.
Shawn Colfax: [checks watch] It’s been five minutes.
Nick Brady: Really? That was five minutes? Wow, I guess I really do suck in bed.

Funny, no?

3. Do you smile often?
At least once a day.

***************OTHER-OLOGY*****************

1. Do you always answer your phone?
More like never.

2. It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Obviously someone I don’t know, because I don’t ‘do’ texting.

3. If you could change your eye color what would it be?
My eyes DO change color. I’m like a human mood ring.

4. Do you prefer cold or hot?
My theory is: you can only remove so much clothing, until you’re buck naked; however, you can always put more clothing on. So, I suppose ‘cold’ but, like Maggie, ‘California Cold’, not ‘Fargo, ND’ cold. I could never live in a place where you have to start your car by remote control so that it has ample time to warm up. Plus, the thought of being snowbound makes me panicky.

5. What’s your favorite gossip magazine?
People (because Jim was right, they ARE strange).

6. Have you ever had a pet fish?
I have, and his name was Charlie (odd coincidence, don’t you think Maggie?) He was the best fish ever. Brilliantly blue, boyishly handsome, he was smart as well as pretty. You may not believe this, but he was trained to recognize his owner’s voice. Now, Charlie is in that big fishbowl in the sky. I miss him.

8. What’s on your wish list for your birthday?
A man.

9. Can you do push ups?
It’s possible, but not probable.

10. Can you do a chin up?
Nope, and I never have been able to. Forget climbing a rope, either.

11. Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Neither. I like to take each day, one day at a time (“so hold on tight we’ll muddle through”). No sense worrying about what the future brings, no sense wishing it would hurry up and get here, either.

NOTE: Before I finished this, Michael Jackson suddenly passed away at the very young age of 50. He had planned to start a world tour at the end of July. No one, not even the King of Pop, knows what the future has in store for us. No one. MJ will be greatly missed, even if he was a freak. You’d be, too, if you lived his life.

12. Do you have any saved texts?
I don’t understand. Is this question in English? By ‘texts’, do you mean books? If so, then yes.

13. Ever been in a car wreck?
Oh, sure. Lots. I even wrecked my best friend’s car once (love you, Pama!). I think I’m up to 5 wrecks, and if anyone else ever hits my car again, whether it’s in motion or not, I am giving up my driving privileges forever, because, clearly, somebody wants me dead.

14. Do you have an accent?
No, but I can. I often adopt a Southern Drawl or a British accent for no reason at all. Keeps people on their toes.

15. What is the last song to make you cry?
Stardust by Nat king Cole. Gets me every time when he sings, “Sometimes I wonder…why I spend…the LONELY NIIIIIIGHT…dreaming of a song…the melody…haunts my reverie…and I am once again…with you…when our love was new…and each kiss…an inspiration…BUT THAT was…lo-o-ong ago…and now my…consolation…is in the stardust…of a song.” Just KILLS ME.

16. Plans tonight?
Yes, but they are classified. Sorry. If I told you, then I’d have to kill you.

17. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Gosh, I hope so. Like Maggie, I would hate to think the worst has yet to come. Now there’s an awful notion.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
A bag of Pirate Booty, some Texas Toast, and a dude’s line about how wonderful I am.

19. Have you ever been given roses?
Yes, but I could always use some more.

20. Current worry?
Am I really a good writer, or is everyone just saying that to be nice?

21. Current hate right now?
I try not to hate, if at all possible. However, right now, I hate that my back is still spazzing out. Enough already.

22. Met someone who changed your life?
Oh, WOW. That’s a loaded question. I think I’ll take the ‘Matrix’ stance and say, I can’t be sure. Is the world full of people who we meet and get to know, or is this all some very vivid dream that exists only in my mind, and the people and things just extensions of my inner-self? So, are these people changing my life, or am I changing it myself? How would I know the difference? Mind-scrambling, isn’t it? Remember, there is no spoon.

23. How will you bring in the New Year?
In with the old, out with the new? Or is it the other way around? I can never remember.

24. What song represents you?
To my knowledge, no one has written a song about me. So, I would have to say none of them. Otherwise, that would be stealing someone else’s song. Right?

25. Name three people who might complete this?
Mieke, Julianna, David…at least, I hope they all do. I hope you ALL do, actually…otherwise, I wouldn’t have tagged you.

26. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Abso-frinken-lutely. Most especially, if I could change the past.

27. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Yes. All losers, to be sure, but the answer is still yes.

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All A-Twitter

Posted by kimlno on April 22, 2009

"Visualizing Twitter" by Yoan Blanc.

"Visualizing Twitter" by Yoan Blanc.

Everyone is all atwitter about Twitter. I’m still amongst the undecided. Yes, of course, I have a Twitter account, but I’ve only tweeted (twittered?) a whopping four times. Pathetic, isn’t it?

The problem is Twitter’s designed for people that actually have a life and friends who are curious about what they’re up to. I have no life. I barely have any friends, and those that I do have know that the best way to find out what exciting events are occurring each moment of my daily existence (oh, I am laughing so hard right now, I can barely type…that was a good one), they know that checking my Facebook page is as good, if not better, than me having a 24-hour direct web cam feed of my action-packed days and nights. For those friends who aren’t on Facebook, or feel that my Facebook page is somehow lacking in personal information (besides revealing my blood type, what more could I tell you?), there’s always my blog they can check.*

What was I talking about again? Oh, Twitter. That’s right. Sorry, I went off on a little tangent there for a moment. So, Twitter, for me, seems kind of redundant. I mean, it’s difficult enough to come up with a good Facebook status every single day. The thought of having to come up with multiple statuses each day to keep my Twitter followers amused is daunting, to say the least. Sure, I could just Tweet about the actual happenings in my day-to-day life, but that would look something like this:

@KimLNo hasn’t managed to get out of bed yet.
@KimLNo is out of bed and is now showering.
@KimLNo is online to find out what happened while she was asleep.
@KimLNo can’t believe that “fill-in-the-blank” did “fill-in-the-blank” while “fill-in-the-blank-ing.”
@KimLNo is updating her Facebook page.
@KimLNo is taking a quiz to determine what kind of pirate she would be.
@KimLNo is sharing every single article, WTF? image, and unbelievable piece of celebrity gossip she comes across on Facebook.
@KimLNo is off to bed.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. And that would be on a good day. Yes, I know I need to get a life. What are you, my mother? I’ll have you know, it’s not easy being me. Always thinking of funny anecdotes to share, always having an opinion on everything, always raising the bar for slackers and derelicts around the globe…it’s a lot to ask of one person.

ANYdelusionalpsychopathicloser, as far as Twitter goes, I am still on the fence. Perhaps if I had one of those fancy-schmancy iPhones, or a Blackberry, I would feel compelled to tweet more often. Of course, that would be a huge waste of money because I am never more than a few minutes away from a proper keyboard, and you know how much I hate phones, cell or otherwise. If anything, I need to spend LESS time on the internet, not more. And, really, unless someone invented a way to jack yourself, mind, body, and soul, into the web like in The Matrix, it would be physically impossible for me to waste any more time on the internet than I already do. If I didn’t enjoy sleeping so much (which I am currently attempting to wean myself off of completely thanks to involuntary insomnia due to the inability to silence the omnipresent  voices in my head), I could probably squeeze in another ten or fifteen hours of online activity per diem. Of course, then I would probably lose my mind completely and end up all Jack-Torrance-y, filling every available Facebook page, blog post, and 140-character tweet with, “All work and no play makes Kim a dull girl.” Now, nobody wants that, do they?

I didn’t think so.

*Although, admittedly, I have been a bit blocked lately when it comes to my blog. I have approximately a billion half-started/half-finished blog posts cluttering up my desktop, but I just can’t seem to wrap up any of them. It’s a shame, too, because some of them are actually rather good, if I do say so myself. It’s gotten to the point now, where I am considering creating a new blogging niche for myself based on my unfinished blog posts. Every post would just suddenly end in the middle of a sentence, and the reader could simply think up his or her own ending, something along the lines of “Choose Your Own Adventure” literature. However, instead of a logical list of options, I’d just offer links to other incomplete posts on my blog (in my blog?). That way, the reader could truly experience what it’s like to be me. Plus, and this would be a BIG bonus, they could completely disregard my all of my opinions, or at least the ones that they don’t agree with, and simply insert their own. Perhaps, I could even have weekly contests in which readers submit their own endings to my blog posts, and the winner’s conclusion would be posted as if I’d written it. Of course, they’d be properly identified, because plagiarizing from the five or six loyal followers I’ve managed to scrape together could potentially piss someone off. I love my fans (another fit of uncontrollable laughter), and I’d never want to lose you. But, let’s see if I can finish this post before venturing into unexplored blogging territory. M’kay?

UPDATE: For the keenly observant, you may have noticed that I have added the Twitter Widget to my sidebar in the three hours since posting this blog entry. Why try to beat ‘em, when you can join ‘em? Right?

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