Stupid Cupid
Posted by kimlno on October 3, 2009
Because I am a glutton for punishment, I’ve signed up at OkCupid.com to subject myself to completely unsubstantiated criticism by a whole host of men I’ll probably never meet. I know, I know. I’ve tried the whole internet dating thing before, and it didn’t end well (see: Worst. Date. Ever.). So, what makes me think this time will be any different? Um, desperation? Loneliness? Boredom? Heck, I don’t know. But things haven’t changed much. Are people still afraid to reveal themselves accurately on their profiles? Yes. Are the majority of the guys not even worth a quick skimming of their profile? Yes. Do I really think I can find a worthy adversary on the internet? Maybe. Perhaps there’s the male equivalent of myself out there who’s thinking all the same things, and by luck, he happens to like the way I look and can at least appreciate the way I think. Well, it could happen! Point being, I won’t know unless I try.
So, I figured no sense in pussyfooting around, might as well jump in with both feet and not only did I fill out my profile AND post pictures, I sent out a couple of messages to test the waters. Know what? Those bastards didn’t even have the courtesy to write me back. You know you’re not going to hear from someone when you emailed them 6 hours ago and yet their status says, “I’m online now!” Yeah, you’re online now and you’re blatantly ignoring the fact that I took the time to compose a witty and interesting message specifically written for you. You DICK. See? This is why I’m no good at the internet thing…I need more concrete feedback than just you’re online now and you’ve not responded to my note so you must not be interested. I hate assuming (it makes an ass out of you and me, don’t you know?). My imagination is FAR too active to be left to its own devices.
And then, as I was writing this, I received the following email from OkCupid:
KimLNo: hello, good news.
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Your login name: |
KimLNo |
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Your personality: |
really great |
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How bad OkCupid guys want you: |
so bad |
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Your profile, as of 8 milliseconds ago: |
approved! |
What now?
|
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Since you’re single and female, we think you’ll like our matching system. There’s no pressure and it’s like one massive game of Q & A with millions of strangers at once. Try it! |
Half-Cocked
By the way, the fact that you scored Half-Cocked on the OkCupid Test has caused a certain amount of automated commotion in our software. Nicely done.
–OkCupid
GREAT. Apparently they only JUST approved my profile, so all this conjecture was for not. Up until a few moments ago, no one could even SEE my profile. So, disregard everything I wrote above (most especially if I called you a bastard). I’m going to give it a few more days and see if things change for the better. However, if nothing else, the OkCupid software thinks I’m hot. Yeah, so I’ve got that going for me. Too bad I don’t want to date a COMPUTER.*
*Speaking of dating a computer, do you remember that ‘80s movie Electric Dreams with Virginia Madsen? Well, in the film, a computer falls in love with her after hearing her play beautiful music on her cello. I know, totally farfetched, especially for the early ‘80s when computers weren’t much more than glorified typewriters. But still, that’s the first thing that popped into my head when I read that a piece of software thinks I’m a good catch. Here’s the original trailer for the film which sums it up quite well. Enjoy!
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