Kimopolis

I never had the honor of meeting Patrick Swayze, but I did meet his brother once and it’s a funny casting story, so I’m going to share it with you. I hope you like it.

Casting for The X-Files was always an adventure. Invariably, we’d have to find actors with unusual abilities or attributes. Sideshow freaks, magicians, snake charmers…the list goes on and on but, I can tell you this, it was NEVER boring.

So, it’s late in 1998, and everyone is looking forward to the holiday hiatus when a script comes out that calls for a one- legged man. Always with the missing limbs, those kooky writers. Oy vey (why I just became Jewish, I have no idea…maybe it’s because Yentl was on this afternoon and…sorry, TANGENT…let’s get back to the story). Just because a script calls for a man with one leg, that in no way meant we were expected to actually cast a man with one leg. They are actors. They know how to pretend like they don’t have a leg. It’s their job. Although, if the producers could’ve had their way, they’d probably opt for the authentically handicapped (handicapabale?), rather than having to fake it. Perhaps some of you remember the totally true tale of casting a man with no legs at all? If not, click here.

ANY24/7freakshow, the casting session begins and I’m sitting in a room with the writer (Jeff Bell) and the director (Kim Manners*) when in comes Don Swayze. He’s the spitting image of his brother so, at first, it’s a little off-putting. I’d be willing to bet dollars to donuts that’s why he didn’t book many leading roles. For better or for worse, Don just looked too much like his older, and much more famous, brother.

So, he’s reading his lines, and doing an excellent job of it, and then, when he gets to the part of the sides where he’s prompted to acknowledge his fake leg, Don swings his leg onto the table we’re all sitting at, and raps on it (no, not “bust a move” rap, rap like knocking on a door, rap). The sound his knuckles make when they hit his shin is pretty realistic, and I figured he had knocked on the underside of the table or the chair with his other hand where we wouldn’t see it to create the desired effect. My second thought was that he also could’ve slipped a shin guard up his pants leg to bring real authenticity to the scene (actors will do almost ANYTHING when it comes to getting a role, trust me).

Don Swayze finishes the scene and before he leaves, Kim Manners pipes up, and asks him how he made his leg sound hollow, like a real fake leg. And, with a smile as wide as Texas, he said, “I lost my leg jumping out of an airplane once.” And we all started laughing, like, “Good one, Swayze!” or “Boy, you sure had us going there for a minute!” Then, the next thing I know he’s pulled up his jeans to his knee and revealed to us his genuine prosthetic leg. Well, shit. How could we have possibly known, or even anticipated, that? It wasn’t like it is nowadays where you can look anybody up on the internet and find out their life story. His agent hadn’t told me anything about him being an amputee when I’d set up his appointment, it certainly wasn’t on his resume, and neither I nor anyone else in the room that day could’ve guessed the dude really didn’t have a leg. I mean, what are the odds?

Needless to say, we needed more than a minute to compose ourselves before bringing in the next actor. It wasn’t the first time I’d been shocked silly in a casting session, and it was most definitely not the last, either. However, it ranks pretty high up there with some of the most memorable.

The best part about the entire audition was the whole time Don had this shit-eating grin on his face, as if he couldn’t believe his luck that a script was actually written in which the character had the same unique, however unfortunate, legless situation. Don was just tickled pink that he got the opportunity to surprise us with his real fake leg, regardless of whether he booked the job or not. It was his good-natured smile that told me he was from a big, happy family that liked to poke fun at each other lovingly, and often. Just like mine.

Unfortunately, the producers chose a different actor for the role. The guy we ended up hiring had both of his legs, and he did a great job as the one-legged rainmaker, but Don Swayze’s audition was much more special and something I know I’ll never forget. All my love goes out to the Swayze family tonight, and to Kim Manners’ as well. I am eternally grateful to have been lucky enough to know you.

*Sadly, Kim passed away a few months ago. He was awesome. I miss him.

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