A Stereotypical Footbagger

As I was walking down Antioch to meet my friends for lunch, I noticed three guys on the Village Green playing hacky sack. For a moment I thought I was having an acid flashback…how did I just go from being in front of Elyse Walker to the quad at UC Santa Cruz circa 1987? But then I glanced across the street and gas at Mobile was $3.89/gallon, so I knew I hadn’t been magically transported into the past. Indeed, there were three dudes hacking the sack right there on the Village Green.

Now, to be fair, one of them is a long-time employee of the Coffee Bean and usually blares Phish at an unbelievably loud level during his shifts, so it wasn’t exactly shocking to see him engaging in a sport that I thought went out of style when the Dead stopped touring. But the other two? I can only hope that they were Starbucks employees and this was the First National Intra-Coffee Chain Hacky Sack Competition. These were three grown men, for crying out loud, in the middle of the day, playing with a bag of sand. I was dumbfounded. What had I just witnessed? I needed more information, so I turned to the one source that never lets me down…Wikipedia.

And, of course, there was an entire Wiki entry on the Footbag. Now, I don’t know about you, but when I see the word “footbag” it makes me laugh. I can’t tell you precisely why I find the word “footbag” so humorous…I just do. So, you can imagine the giggle-snort fest that ensued whilst reading about the small, yet magnificent hacky sack.

For instance, did you know that there are special footbag SHOES? I kid you not. And speaking of knots, there is even a super sneaky shoe lacing and tying technique to give the competitive footbag player an edge over the casual bagger. Oh, and in case you believed (like me) that the footbag was just a toy…you, my friend, are SORELY mistaken. Footbag is a SPORT. According to Footbag WorldWide, there are even footbag competitions, such as the “28th Annual Moonin Noonin Beaver Oopen,” the “Idaho Shred Symposium,” and, my personal favorite, “The 10th Annual Hackrifice Open Footbag Championships.” I swear, I am not making this up. Hackrifice? Even I, one who is a relatively savvy wordsmith, could not have fathomed combining the words “sacrifice” and “hacky sack” to come up with “hackrifice.” It is utter genius.

But, perhaps, the most entertaining entry about the hacky sack is the section titled, “Footbag World Records.” With categories like the Women’s Doubles Footbag Consecutive, the Open Doubles timed Ten Minute One Pass , and the Largest Footbag Circle (946, in case you were wondering)…I was literally laughing out loud. But then, I thought back to those men on the Green…maybe they were professional footbaggers squeezing in a little practice time before this weekend’s big event. Who am I to mock these men, so obviously dedicated to their sport? I learned a life lesson today, my friends. Do not judge the foot that hacks the sack until you’ve walked a mile in their individually modified Adidas Clima Cool 1s.

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